Expiation (Shadeward Book 4) Read online

  Meru’s grip on her wrist relaxed.

  ‘Ren?’ Meru whispered. ‘He was just a child.’

  ‘You must hate me,’ she said, looking at the anger on his face. She swallowed, sensing the rage and fury building in him. He was trembling, shaking with emotion.

  He’s going to end me … I can’t blame him. The boy was his friend …

  She pursed her lips, looking away, accepting her responsibility. She had killed the boy, it was only right that she should make amends. He was like Tia, an innocent …

  Without me Meru can go back to his people, Zoella has her revenge, my death would atone for it, at least in part!

  ‘I understand,’ she whispered. ‘Please, just … make it quick …’

  ‘What?’ he said, after a moment, his expression bewildered. ‘No, not you … you mustn’t think that …’

  She shivered, looking at him.

  ‘It wasn’t your fault,’ he managed. He was shaking his head. ‘It was theirs. They put him in harm’s way. Why would they do that?’

  Tears coursed down her cheeks. She was gasping for air, the sobs snatching her breath away. The sadness didn’t relent; something had broken in her, a torrent of pent up rawness that swamped her thoughts. She could only see him, his own face wet with tears.

  What has happened to me?

  With the little strength she had she beckoned him down towards her. Kiri’s thoughts surged; sudden gratitude at being alive, still having a chance to change things, a chance to put things right …

  You saved me … I thought I was going to die!

  The answer was immediate, full of regret and pain.

  ‘I should have stayed with you when I had the chance. It might have stopped all this. Can you forgive me?’

  Forgive you? Of course! I should have been honest with you … I lied … I’m sorry.

  She felt his hand upon her cheek. ‘I won’t leave you again.’

  I know you won’t.

  There could be no lies, not via this strange connection between them. She could feel his thoughts, his regret and self-recrimination. She could also sense the grief and anxiety of betraying his friends and home. She understood what he had given up for her.

  Likewise, her own feelings washed across them both, unrestrained. Her regret over lying to him and forcing him to leave, her own loneliness, pain and anguish over being betrayed by her people, the horror of killing the boy, but the joy of being wanted, being loved, a solace that took her back to the warm comfort she remembered from her long lost mentor, Charis.

  The effort was exhausting. She sank into whatever it was she was lying on, weary from the strain. She closed her eyes, she could feel the pulse of Meru’s heart through his touch. Neither of them moved for a spell, to overwrought to speak.

  * * *

  Zoella stirred.

  She blinked, her eyes staring upwards. She could see nothing but a blur. Screams howled in her mind.

  Murderer! Killer!

  Snatches of memory flashed around her. Meru, his expression torn and hurt.

  I won’t let you do this!

  Blood. Blood on her fingers. Kiri’s blood. Kiri who had caused all the hurt, Kiri who had killed Ren.

  She has to die!

  Rage boiled in her, a redness sweeping her vision. Kiri had escaped. Kiri wouldn’t answer for her crimes!

  It would be murder by our laws! Is that what we’re sinking to?

  Zoella twisted and turned, but the voices would not let her be. Mel, trying to be reasonable, but wrong! So wrong!

  Nothing stopping us from sticking an axe in her right now …

  Yes! The strange man with the stupid hat was right. Kill her, kill her now!

  Back down, Zoella …

  The captain. He thought he was in charge. Who was he to tell her what to do? He didn’t know what she had suffered. How could he? Ignorant man!

  You can’t stop me, none of you can.

  Redness subsumed her. There was nothing but fury.

  * * *

  Kiri wondered whether she might have fallen asleep, she wasn’t sure. She came to notice lights and coloured panels were all about her. Above her head was a strange bulkhead, all metal, festooned with lights and little hatches and compartments.

  She felt stronger than before, more alert, less tired.

  ‘Where are we?’ she whispered.

  Meru stirred alongside her.

  ‘You’re aboard a ship,’ he said, his voice low. ‘A flying machine. A medical ship.’

  ‘One of the flying machines?’ Kiri’s eyes opened in wonder, focusing on the lights about her, they were glowing against the roof and walls, pulsing on and off around her.

  She sat up.

  ‘Careful!’ Meru said, supporting her. ‘You’re injured, broken bones, you mustn’t strain …’

  Kiri looked down at herself. She was lying in a bed of sorts, a soft material that had somehow taken the outline shape of her body. Her right hand was wrapped in the strange ornate bandages, keeping her fingers immobile. Her leg and wrist were likewise bandaged securely. She could see the wounds on her arms and legs were treated, cleansed and healed. There was a thin red welt across her stomach. There was a little pain, but it was more of a general ache throughout her body.

  Her clothing was nowhere in evidence.

  She looked at Meru, raising an eyebrow and tilting her head to one side.

  ‘The injuries,’ he stammered. ‘It was … I mean, the machine couldn’t … I’ll get you some clothes. There are some in the sleeping quarters …’

  She laughed.

  ‘Don’t bother,’ she said. ‘After everything, I don’t think I have much to hide from you.’

  ‘Are you warm enough?’ Meru asked. ‘Sandra said …’

  ‘Sandra? Who’s Sandra?’

  ‘She’s the voice of the ship,’ Meru said and then looked up. ‘It’s hard to … Sandra, why don’t you explain?’

  Before Kiri could say anything more she heard a strange woman’s voice, it was oddly metallic and distant, but clear and precise. She had heard it once before, in Meru’s crashed flying machine, back in Drem.

  ‘Sandra is the designation given by Meru for the onboard voice interface facility of semi-autonomous vessels.’

  ‘Oh,’ Kiri replied, looking at Meru.

  ‘Just introduce yourself,’ Meru prompted.

  ‘But there’s no one there,’ Kiri whispered.

  ‘Just try it,’ Meru said.

  Kiri frowned for a moment, but then spoke. ‘Hello Sandra, how are you?’

  ‘Hello Kiri,’ the voice replied. ‘I am operating within normal parameters, thank you. You have recovered from surgery and are now recuperating.’

  ‘Sir … gerry?’ Kiri asked.

  ‘Sandra … fixed you,’ Meru said. ‘You were hurt, inside.’

  Kiri looked down at her stomach, seeing the red welt.

  ‘You had extensive injuries,’ Sandra said. ‘All damage has been repaired.’

  ‘Can I get up?’

  ‘That is permissible,’ Sandra replied. ‘However caution is advised.’

  Kiri swung her legs out and down until her feet were resting on the floor. It was cold to the touch of her bare soles.

  The whole machine is made of metal …

  She sat there for a moment, regaining her equilibrium.

  ‘Alright?’ Meru asked, sitting alongside her.

  She nodded. The truth was she already felt dizzy. She took some deep breaths to clear her head. Then she stood up.

  And regretted it.

  She felt light headed, the room wobbled before her eyes and she swayed. She felt Meru’s arms about her waist and she sank back against him.

  So weak! I’ve never been so weak …

  ‘You need to rest,’ Meru said, his voice close in her ear. ‘Sleep.’

  She nodded. Even though she had just woken, sleep sounded wonderful.

  ‘There is space available in the living accommodation in the rear of thi
s vehicle,’ Sandra said.

  Kiri looked and could see the corridor leading away. It was mere paces away.

  ‘I’m not sure I’ll make it …’

  ‘I’ll carry you.’

  ‘I don’t need to be carried …’ she said, pushing him away and trying to stand up on her own.

  She saw Meru watch as another wave of dizziness washed over her. She staggered and he caught her. She sighed.

  ‘Last time I was hurt this bad I wouldn’t let you carry me,’ she said, a faint smile on her face. ‘I guess I should learn from my mistakes.’

  That seems like so long ago. We were mortal enemies then, forced together in the ruin of the first flare when Shanza died …

  Meru gently picked her up. It felt good to be carried, but alarming in the same measure. She had never felt the desire for such closeness before and part of her was horrified by how much she enjoyed the comfort of Meru’s embrace. Her fierce independent spirit railed against it. She forced herself to relax and allowed her head to rest against his shoulder. It felt right in a way she could not describe.

  She watched as he carried her through a narrow corridor. Beyond, a room opened out before her. She could see large panelled windows beyond which lay thick vegetation of a dark-hued green. Rain water was trickling down the glass on the other side.

  ‘We’re not flying …’ she said.

  ‘I’ve landed the ship,’ Meru explained. ‘We’ve flown hundreds of marks sunward.’

  Kiri squinted through the window.

  ‘Where are we?’

  ‘I’m not sure, I don’t think anyone has ever been here before.’

  She could sense the weariness in his voice.

  ‘How long have you been awake?’

  ‘It’s past the eighth chime. We’ve been gone a stretch and a half already.’

  ‘You’ve been awake all that time?’

  ‘Yeah, had to …’

  There was a pair of beds in the room, each underneath the windows. Kiri found herself lowered into one.

  ‘You need to rest,’ Meru said.

  ‘So do you,’ Kiri replied. She could see the dark rings under his eyes. He was exhausted.

  ‘I’ll just get those …’

  Panic washed over her; unexpected and alarming in its intensity. She reached up toward him instinctively, without even thinking.

  No. I can’t be alone. Not now, not ever.

  The reaction was visceral, strong and startling. She gasped, her body trembling.

  ‘Hey, it’s alright.’

  Stay with me. I need you.

  Her gaze was locked on his.

  He lay down on the bed alongside her. Kiri wriggled across and he draped his arm across her. She luxuriated in the warmth from his body. Within moments they were curled up together; both exhausted, both weary, but both drawing comfort from their shared closeness, bodies entwined. Sleep stole up on them and smothered them in its welcome shroud.

  After a moment Sandra dimmed the illumination in the room and shuttered the external windows.

  Lost in their dreams, neither Kiri nor Meru noticed.

  * * *

  Zoella’s eyes were open, and her mouth was moving, but no sound came out.

  Mel leant forward cautiously.

  ‘Zoella?’ she whispered. ‘Can you hear me?’

  There was barely a response. Zoella’s body twitched, her shoulders tensing. Her breath snapped in and out in rapid flurries, her eyes moving in her head. But no words came, no recognition.

  ‘Zoella …’

  Mel smoothed down Zoella’s hair and pressed a damp towel to her forehead. Zoella flinched. Mel waved a hand in front of her, but Zoella’s eyes didn’t focus, they just kept staring upwards. The shivers continued.

  Mel grabbed the girl’s hand, pressing against her fingers. There was no return gesture. Mel stroked the back of Zoella’s hand. Zoella stopped moving, her eyes still open and staring up.

  Tears formed in Mel’s eyes.

  ‘I’m sorry about Ren,’ she said, stuttering between her sobs. ‘Dear little Ren. We all loved him, all of us …’

  Zoella twitched again, but then lay still.

  ‘You must know I didn’t mean for him to die. He was so brave, he wanted to do something. He was the only one who could fly the ships, he was so good at it. Without him we would have lost the battle. He saved Fitch’s life, he probably saved all of us …’

  Mel squeezed Zoella’s hand again. There was still no response.

  ‘Zoella … Please come back to us …’

  CHAPTER THREE

  Sunward of Amar

  Round 2307, Seventh pass

  Coran saw Fitch beckoning from the deck of the flying cargo transporter. The big vessel was blackened and burnt after the defence of Amar, parked just outside the city limits.

  ‘You want the good news, the not so good news, or the bad news?’

  Coran raised his eyebrows.

  ‘I’ll take the good news,’ he said.

  ‘Well, that’s mixed up with the bad news,’ Fitch said with a shrug. ‘I haven’t been able to raise Meru at all. Reckon he’s ignoring us.’

  ‘Reckon you’re right,’ Coran said. ‘So?’

  Fitch grinned. ‘That’s where the good news comes in. I know where he is.’

  Coran’s expression brightened. ‘You do? Where? How?’

  ‘Used my noggin,’ Fitch said. ‘Come have a look.’

  Fitch gestured to the bridge of the big machine. Coran clambered in behind him.

  ‘These infernal machines have another one of those funny voices,’ Fitch said. ‘Meru’s gone and called it “Sandra” of all things, but it turns out to be quite useful.’

  ‘Go on.’

  Fitch pointed at a display.

  ‘It’s a map,’ he said and then raised his voice. ‘Sandra, show me the position of the medical transport.’

  On the screen before them, Coran could see the map zoom out, widening in all directions. He could make out Amar, where a small collection of dots was marked.

  ‘Those are our machines,’ Fitch said.

  As the map continued to widen, the Scattered Isles and the coastline of the continent to the sunward and shaderight came into view. Another dot was marked on a small island some distance sunward of Amar. A pulsating circle of light ringed the dot.

  ‘That’s where he is right now,’ Fitch said smugly. ‘And we can track him wherever he goes.’

  ‘How?’ Coran asked.

  ‘Tell ’im, Sandra.’

  Coran recognised the odd female tones of the onboard voice.

  ‘All autonomous vessels carry transponders allowing triangulation of location. Position is accurate to within a quarter of a mark.’

  Coran looked at Fitch. ‘You figured that out?’

  Fitch looked aggrieved. ‘I’ll let you stew on it next time if that’s your attitude.’

  Coran grinned. ‘You’ve done good.’

  ‘There’s more,’ Fitch said. ‘Sandra, status report on the medical transport.’

  ‘Medical Transport has landed at indicated co-ordinates. All telemetry is normal. Two occupants are aboard.’

  ‘So Meru’s alright,’ Coran said, with a sigh. ‘And he has that girl with him.’

  Fitch nodded. ‘Nice cosy little love nest, eh?’

  ‘Can we call the transport back?’

  Fitch shook his head. ‘Sandra says no.’

  ‘The medical transport’s autonomous flight mode has been disabled,’ Sandra said, by way of explanation.

  ‘Meru isn’t stupid,’ Coran acknowledged.

  ‘Not that stupid, anyway …’

  ‘He probably figured we would try to call him back.’

  Fitch nodded.

  ‘So that was the good news and the bad news,’ Coran said. ‘What’s the not so good news?’

  ‘Reports from the fisherman seem to favour that those scorchin’ witches weren’t all wiped out in the flare. Seems they may have retreated to the Scattere
d Isles.’

  ‘You reckon they’ll come back?’ Coran asked.

  ‘I wouldn’t if I were them,’ Fitch said. ‘I’d get home, lick my wounds and then think again. But no real telling what they might do.’

  Coran nodded. ‘We need to get out there and find out what they’re up to.’

  ‘Which brings me to the last thing,’ Fitch said. ‘Sandra says the flying machines are in a bad way, they need some fancy word …’

  ‘Maintenance,’ Sandra prompted.

  ‘Yeah that …’ Fitch said.

  ‘Let me guess,’ Coran said. ‘We need to take them back to Caesar’s hangar to fix them.’

  ‘That would be the fastest route,’ Fitch acknowledged. ‘They’re busted up pretty bad so it seems, but Sandra says they can fix themselves given enough time, just not quickly.’

  Coran cursed and thought for a moment before letting out a deep breath.

  ‘What about the Mobilis?’

  ‘She was banged up pretty bad too,’ Fitch said. ‘But’s she’s a tough old trouper. Reckon Mel will have her seaworthy in a few stretches. If you can spare her that is …’

  ‘I’ll see what I can do,’ Coran replied.

  ‘So … er … how is our resident witch?’

  Coran shook his head. ‘Mel says she’s just … gone away inside her mind somewhere. She’s just lying there, staring at the ceiling. Doesn’t respond to anything. Mel’s staying with her, hoping that she’ll snap out of it …’

  ‘She might never come back,’ Fitch said. ‘Some folks who see too much, something snaps in their brains, they just wither away and …’

  ‘Not Zoella,’ Coran said. ‘We’re going to get her back. Somehow …’

  * * *

  Kiri blinked awake. She was lying where she had fallen asleep, a blanket draped across her. She stretched and sat up, looking around. Meru was nowhere to be seen, but she could hear a sizzling sound from somewhere nearby. A delicious aroma reached her nostrils and her stomach rumbled.

  Cooked herg!

  A tunic and trousers had been placed at the foot of the bed, she grabbed them and dressed herself. She got to her feet, taking a moment to gather herself. Her body felt stiff and sore, but she felt far better than she had. The restraints around her fingers were gone. She turned her hands over, flexing her fingers. They were stiff, but they were working.