Expiation (Shadeward Book 4) Read online

  Healed already …

  She walked towards the sizzling sound, finding herself in the midsection of the flying machine. It was some kind of galley. Meru was already dressed, cooking. As she watched he replaced a knife alongside a set of others on the wall. She looked at it in surprise, it stayed put, somehow sticking in place.

  He turned as she entered, and smiled at her.

  ‘You’re looking much better.’

  ‘I feel better,’ she said. ‘That smells good …’

  Meru handed her a plate of food and a fork. She accepted it and began eating.

  ‘How are you feeling?’ he asked.

  ‘Good,’ she answered, between mouthfuls. ‘Sore, but …’ Her voice trailed off.

  ‘I’m sorry for what happened,’ Meru said. ‘For what she …’

  Memories returned to her. Zoella’s fury and the pain, but even that was blotted out by stabbing guilt. The blood, the boy’s life ebbing away beneath her. She’d killed him, just a child …

  ‘I’m the one who should be apologising,’ Kiri interrupted, her voice shaking. ‘That boy …’

  Meru shook his head. ‘That wasn’t your fault.’

  I killed him … his blood is on my hands. If I hadn’t, Meru wouldn’t have been forced to run … Zoella wouldn’t have …

  ‘And what happened to me wasn’t yours,’ Kiri said, unable to repress a shudder. ‘She was going to kill me …’

  Meru nodded. ‘I’ve never seen her do anything like that before, it was like she was mad …’

  ‘It’s this power. I’ve felt that rage,’ Kiri said, bowing her head. ‘It’s like something inside takes over … when I’ve lost people …’ She looked up. ‘I understand why she wanted to hurt me. This power, it’s made me kill before.’

  ‘Torin,’ Meru whispered.

  Kiri nodded. ‘Him … and a guard before that.’ She looked pale. ‘The rage, the hatred … it takes over. I tortured them and I enjoyed it. I wanted to inflict pain, it felt good …’ Her voice cracked.

  ‘I remember,’ Meru said.

  Kiri swallowed. She had tortured Meru too once, forced her way into his mind, hurting him, enjoying the feeling as she did so.

  ‘I …’

  ‘Look, we could keep apologising for past wrongs forever,’ he said, trying a smile.

  Kiri didn’t return it. Her mind kept flashing the image of the boy over and over in her mind. She heaved a sigh, forcing the memory away.

  ‘I don’t know what to do,’ she said.

  ‘Do you know what happened to the rest of the priestesses?’ Meru asked. ‘I don’t remember anything, I must have been knocked out in the crash.’

  ‘There was a flare from Lacaille,’ Kiri said. ‘Unexpected, no one saw it coming. I threw myself into the water. It was dark and cold. My next memory was being hauled up by a crowd of people, beaten and thrown in a cell, then …’

  Meru squeezed her hands gently.

  ‘I saw none when we left,’ he said. ‘I’m guessing they fled or were destroyed. The invading ships were wrecked, burnt and smashed, and the city smouldering. Seems we … the Amarans … won.’

  ‘They betrayed me,’ Kiri said, thinking back and shuddering, her voice distant. ‘On the walls of Amar. The high priestess Nerina and the others. They were waiting for the right time, to take my powers. I only just escaped but …’

  She held out her hands, looking at them, turning them over and then running her fingers across her palms.

  ‘… my powers are weaker. Nerina took them. I’m less strong.’ She looked up at Meru. ‘But the rage isn’t there now. I don’t want to hurt people any more. I’m not like them …’

  Meru took her hands in his.

  ‘Then we’re both alone,’ he said. ‘You can’t go back to your people and I can’t go back to mine. That leaves just you and me.’

  Kiri looked at him. Images of the boy came back. Blood, pain, screams …

  He’s isolated on account of me, because of what I did. Because I’m still alive … He’s left his people behind. That’s not fair … I should have died there … either at Nerina’s hand or Zoella’s. Meru would be … and he still can be!

  She looked up, eyeing the set of kitchen knives that hung on the wall.

  ‘Then you should turn this flying machine around and go back,’ she said.

  ‘No …’

  ‘You can’t give up your friends and your people for me,’ she said. ‘Leave me somewhere, it doesn’t matter where …’

  ‘No way …’

  ‘Meru, you have a home, parents and friends. You have to go to them, they still love you. You can still fix things with them. Say I overpowered you and escaped, say anything that makes sense …’

  ‘I am not leaving you.’

  ‘You have to,’ Kiri said, tears growing in her eyes. ‘I can’t go with you, can I? I killed that boy, whether it was an accident or not … I killed him.’

  ‘It was a fight,’ Meru countered. ‘He attacked you, you defended yourself …’

  ‘They will never forgive that and they’ll never forgive you if you protect me. I’ve seen what you’d be giving up, your friends, your parents

  … I will not ask that of you.’

  ‘That’s my choice to make,’ Meru said.

  Kiri shook her head.

  No, Meru. I won’t let you …

  She got to her feet, lurching across the small galley. Meru saw where she was headed.

  ‘No!’ he cried, scrambling after her.

  Kiri managed to grab one of the knives and was turning its edge towards her throat as Meru caught her wrist.

  ‘Don’t do this!’ he shouted, struggling to twist the knife out of her grasp.

  She was weak, but her grip was still firm. They thrashed back and forth, both trying to gain control.

  ‘Drop it!’ Meru yelled. ‘Don’t …’

  He turned her wrist and then crunched it down on the table. Kiri yelped and the knife clattered to the ground. Meru kicked it away and grabbed her wrists, pulling her around.

  ‘I am not leaving you,’ he shouted. ‘I didn’t try so hard to save your life just for you to throw it away!’

  She wouldn’t look at him.

  With one hand he turned her head to him.

  ‘I love you.’

  The strength went out of her body. He felt her go limp in his grasp. She sucked in her breath, gasping.

  ‘Meru … no …’

  ‘Whatever happens,’ he said, pulling her close, ‘whatever the future holds, you and I will face it together.

  Trembles shook her, conscious thought was banished, tears blurred in her eyes. Kiri sobbed.

  * * *

  ‘Anything?’ Coran asked, peering around the doorway into Zoella’s room.

  Mel was still sitting with her. She shook her head.

  ‘She twitches and moans every so often,’ Mel said, ‘like she’s caught in a sleepterror or something. Her eyes are open, but she can’t see or hear us …’

  Coran looked at Zoella. She still looked pale, her unseeing open eyes unnerving; her expression blank. As he watched, he could see her body twitch, her neck twisted at an unnatural angle.

  ‘I don’t know what to do for her,’ Mel said, holding the girl’s hand.

  Coran sighed. ‘There may not be anything we can do for her. Mel …’

  ‘I’m staying with her.’

  ‘Mel,’ Coran repeated. ‘I need you to work on the Mobilis, the ship is …’

  ‘I said I’m not leaving her.’ Mel turned, an angry expression on her face. ‘She needs care.’

  ‘We still need to deal with the Obelisk,’ Coran replied. ‘Meru’s out of contact, the flying machines are broken down. I need our ship. You’re the only one who can fix it …’

  Mel was about to answer when the door creaked behind them. Both looked around.

  The white-haired girl stood there, her pale pink eyes watching them. She was small and petite, her expression worried. Mel wondered how
old she was, a bit older than Ren for sure, but not yet fully grown.

  ‘Ira?’ Mel asked.

  The girl nodded. She opened her arms to them. Coran and Mel got a brief image of Ira kneeling down next to Zoella. It was clearly a request.

  ‘I’m not sure …’ Mel said.

  ‘Can’t do any harm,’ Coran said. ‘Maybe she can help.’

  Mel nodded, releasing Zoella’s limp hand and standing up to make way.

  Ira smiled and moved forward, crouching down by Zoella’s side. She closed her eyes and then placed her hands on Zoella, one on her chest and the other on her forehead.

  Zoella flinched at the contact, but then her eyes closed.

  * * *

  Zoella watched as Ioric’s flesh was ripped by the vast dach, its teeth bloodstained and raw.

  Torin screamed as he was mutilated. Blood flew.

  Raga jumped and was slain. His body crashing down on the ground to lie limp, twisted and broken.

  Over and over again the images assaulted her mind, each one more lurid and horrific than the last. Every time the perpetrator of those crimes strode through the flaming wreckage of Viresia to gloat over her.

  Kiri, her dark hair waving in the wind, her eyes bright blue, staring down with contempt, her weapon clenched in her black gloved hand.

  But then it was her turn.

  Die cursed witch!

  Kiri staggered back, reeling. Zoella struck out, pummelling at the hated figure before her, unrelenting, mental blow after mental blow.

  A fog … confusion.

  Kiri was now tied in a chair, slumped, beaten, half unconscious.

  The metal staff was in Zoella’s hand. She looked down at it.

  Blood. Kiri’s blood.

  Just one more strike.

  ‘That’s right,’ a voice said. ‘Kill her, it is the right thing to do.’

  Zoella turned to see a pale woman standing to her right. She was dressed in the dark gowns of the priestesses, a kai held in her hand. Zoella gasped, the high priestess … Nerina of Drayden.

  ‘You have the power,’ Nerina said, stepping forwards and then moving around Zoella, her gaze never leaving Zoella’s. Zoella spun to look at her.

  ‘Kill Kiri,’ Nerina continued. ‘You are the stronger, it is you who have the greater power. Kill her, show everyone how strong you are!’

  Zoella looked at Kiri’s bloodied form, still lying helpless before her.

  She smiled, raising the staff.

  ‘No!’

  She turned at the cry. It was Meru.

  How dare he interfere?

  She blinked. His features were blurred, indistinct, hard to see. She frowned.

  It wasn’t Meru.

  A girl stood before her. Zoella recognised her.

  Ira?

  The girl nodded.

  Let them go, Zoella. You must let them go.

  Zoella shook her head.

  She killed them, she must pay! I will never forget Ioric, Torin or Raga. She slew them!

  Ira’s voice came at her again.

  Vengeance will not bring them back. You must let them go. Come back to us Zoella.

  Zoella snarled.

  No! She must die!

  Ira gestured to either side of herself.

  Zoella gaped as she saw other figures appear alongside Ira. Her heart clenched.

  Ren …

  The boy spoke.

  I wanted to fight! Proud you’d be if you’d seen! I flew, I stabbed that girl good and hard.

  Fitch appeared alongside him, patting Ren’s shoulders.

  He saved me. Wouldn’t have been here without the boy, got to give him that.

  Zoella gasped as Ioric appeared next to them. She cried out in grief and love. He looked at her.

  I understand your hatred, my precious niece. But you’ll end up digging two more graves if you continue like this. Remember me with fondness, not with vengeance. This is not the Zoella I remember, the gentle soul who saved me from the molossc and who served me so well in Viresia …

  Something nudged her. She looked down, seeing Raga lick her hand. The big carn barked and nuzzled her leg.

  Beyond them all she saw Meru. He said nothing, just looked at her, his expression unreadable.

  Ira stepped before all of them.

  Come back to us Zoella!

  * * *

  Kiri was still trembling. She was crouched on the floor of the galley, Meru holding her close. Meru took one of her hands in his. They sat in silence for a spell, then another. Kiri’s trembles ebbed, her breathing slowed.

  ‘The last person to say they loved me …’ she began. ‘They died, Meru. I swore I’d never cry again until all this was finished.’ She wiped at her tear-stained face. ‘Look what you’ve done.’

  ‘Who was he?’ Meru asked.

  Kiri shook her head. ‘She … Her name was Charis, and she rescued me too.’

  ‘When was this?’

  ‘It’s long story.’

  ‘We have time,’ Meru gave her a squeeze with his arm.

  Kiri took a deep breath and told Meru about her upbringing as an ‘only’ in the slums of Drayden. The death of Tia and Choso, how she’d almost been stoned to death. How Charis had found her and saved her, nursing her to health.

  ‘She believed in Lacaille as a goddess,’ Kiri said. ‘Even though she was wrong, she was a good woman. Kind, gentle. She trained me as a healer, but …’

  Kiri related how she had accompanied Charis to Varda. How Torin had shot Charis with a crossbow. How Charis had died in her arms.

  Meru listened without interrupting.

  Kiri held up her left hand, slowly pulling off the black glove. Then she turned her hand around, showing Meru the scar on her palm and the tight twisted skin on the back.

  ‘This scar,’ she said. ‘Torin shot me, right through the palm. It still hurts even now. More when I think of her.’

  Meru ran his fingers over the scar before taking her fingers and giving them a gentle kiss.

  ‘We could fix this,’ he said. ‘Stop it hurting.’

  ‘Fix it?’ Kiri asked.

  Meru gestured at the medical bays behind them.

  ‘The machines aboard, they can fix anything,’ he said. ‘I’m sure they could take away the pain and the scar … if you want to?’

  Kiri looked at her hand, flexing her fingers, clenching them into a fist.

  ‘No,’ she said, after a moment. ‘It reminds me of her, the sacrifice she made. It might sound silly, but it’s … part of who I am.’

  Meru nodded.

  ‘This Charis … sounds like she was a wonderful woman,’ he said.

  Kiri nodded.

  ‘She gave me some advice,’ Kiri said, shaking her head. ‘I should have heeded it.’

  ‘What was it?’

  She looked up at Meru.

  ‘Don’t meet violence with violence.’

  ‘Wise words,’ Meru said. ‘We could all do with heeding them.’

  Perhaps if I’d listened, none of this would have happened.’

  Meru pulled back, moved around and faced her.

  ‘Stop blaming yourself for everything,’ he said, a sterner tone in his voice. ‘Torin lied about the treaty, if anyone was responsible for the attack on Viresia it was him. Your priestesses lied to you, betrayed you. Lacaille did its thing. None of that was your fault …’

  ‘But …’

  ‘Ren’s death …’ Meru began, blinking back his own tears. ‘Horrible yes, shouldn’t have happened … it was a tragic accident.’

  Kiri swallowed, wiping at her nose. She nodded, pulling the glove on to her hand.

  Meru stood up.

  ‘Come on,’ he said, holding out a hand and pulling her to her feet alongside him. ‘Enough of the past. We’ve got work to do.’

  She frowned.

  ‘Work?’

  ‘The Obelisk,’ Meru said. ‘We’re not going back, so we might as well go on.’

  Kiri thought for a moment. ‘Yes. Tha
t machine I saw in your mind … Caesar. The Obelisk needs fixing, it called to me. It needs me. But I don’t know where it is …’

  ‘I do,’ Meru said. ‘Look.’

  He led her forward into the cockpit of the medical ship, gesturing to the co-pilot’s chair. They both clambered into the seats.

  ‘Sandra,’ Meru called. ‘Map of Esurio please.’

  A panel between them lit up with a coloured map. Meru poked at the screen.

  ‘We’re here,’ he said, pointing at a small flashing triangle. ‘Sandra, can you show the location of the Obelisk?’

  The map zoomed out, revealing Esurio to be a sphere. The curvature was plain to see. Another dot appeared.

  ‘The Obelisk is located here,’ Sandra said. ‘Co-ordinates zero, zero, the substellar pole.’

  ‘Changes must be made,’ Kiri whispered.

  ‘What?’

  ‘That’s what it said to me,’ Kiri said. ‘Changes must be made. Lacaille must be sated, all must be set right or death and destruction will blossom, fires will come more devastating than you have known … I thought it was talking about our task appointed, that we had to attack Amar as our religion demanded, but …’

  ‘It was calling for help,’ Meru said. ‘Zoella and I were on our way to it when we got diverted to Taloon. Zoella even managed to speak to it.’

  ‘How?’

  Meru shrugged. ‘She just sort of concentrated …’

  Kiri thought about it for a moment and then closed her eyes.

  Obelisk?

  There was nothing. She frowned, pushing her thoughts out further.

  Obelisk. It is me, Kiri! You called me your faithful one, servant of Lacaille. I am here, can you hear me?

  The voice she remembered spoke, echoing around in her mind.

  Administrator Kiri, Obelisk responds. Contact has been established. Access is granted.

  Shocked, Kiri opened her eyes.

  ‘I can hear it,’ she said, staring at Meru.

  ‘Ask it for a status report,’ Meru said.

  Kiri concentrated again.

  Obelisk, please give me a status report.

  Acknowledged Administrator Kiri. Status report as follows. Axial alignment is now out of tolerance. Thermal load is out of tolerance. Cooling facilities are operating in emergency mode …

  Kiri relayed what she was hearing to Meru, her expression taut.